


Lifetime

by hecacs



Category: NCT, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, JaeYong - Freeform, M/M, break-up, jaehyun loves taeyong, letting go, nct - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29665212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hecacs/pseuds/hecacs
Summary: Because of you, Lee Taeyong, I know now what it feels like to lose and to win all at the same time.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Kudos: 2





	Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> listening to ben&ben's lifetime or taeil's because of you fits this really well omo

I can't decide which way to follow or which one to take. Each step will decide my future and I am afraid of making a mistake that may alter what is meant for me. I have always been afraid of entering a new door where I am unsure of what may come my way; terrified that on the other side is an experience I will not get out alive. I am strong but I am bound with iron chains around my wrists as everybody watches my every move and waits; waits for me to create a mistake of a lifetime. One wrong move and I am out of the game we’re all playing, a game between life and free-falling in a series of endless limbos with no way out.

Until you came.

You know, I always thought that meeting the love of your life was cliché and well, having to see them right in front of you wouldn’t be as magical as anybody would expect. But I was wrong. I was so wrong, Taeyong. When I first saw you, I learned to admire you from afar as I watched you create beautiful things and pieces with gentle fingers, holding them with ease as though they would break in somebody else’s hands. You asked me once why I never reached out to you or why I was afraid to strike a conversation and my answer was always vague, telling you I was afraid. But the truth is that I wasn’t. That was what held me back, love. I wasn’t afraid to talk to you and hold your hands in mine as I listened to your tales and stories with open ears and that was what scared me. Knowing I wasn’t scared to reach out to you, it would leave me with nothing but a heart that was willing to give and forgive but, that didn’t sound so wrong, right? To learn from you and appreciate you, inside and out. I was hoping to risk something with you, somehow but I ended failing as I watched with hopeful eyes, hoping you'd notice somebody below you.

Now, life has given me a chance to find you again and to be able to talk to you, finally after so long. But, there's a catch. I can't have you, Taeyong. Not this time.

I remember texting a phone number in the middle of the night as recommended by a friend to talk to whenever I feel down. The person on the other line seemed to understand and he seemed to know what I felt like; how I felt as the world pressed down on my shoulders. Each day and night was spent wanting to talk to whoever was on the other end of my phone, doing things as quickly as possible so I'd be able to spend all my time with whoever owned it. Some people told me that it was you but I don't believe it. You? Would talk to me? Sounds outrageous. Funny enough after a few nights, I talked to that person about you and that person asked me if I still liked you. Should I answer honestly? Or hide it? It didn't matter as I typed, "Yes, I still like Taeyong." And you told me to forget about it and just let go. Who would've known that the next day, I would find out that it was actually you? I asked you, "Why did you lie to me, telling me you weren't the one on the other line?" And you didn't answer, just telling me to forget what has happened.

I have you now but I can't talk to you. You're close but I can't touch you. I can't hold you. Why did you lie to me? Was it fruitful to know that even after all this time, I'm still in love with you? Did it make you feel better to realize that I'm still willing to risk something for you? You wanted to know but for no reason at all, Taeyong. Would there have been a lifetime for us if only I took the risk back then? You're so near to me, so close with only a few steps to take but you shun yourself from me. You turn around every time I reach out and direct me to other things whenever I try to converse with you. You have good reasons for doing this, Taeyong, I understand. I understand that you're pushing me away to save yourself but just let me, please. Just let me, for one day or night, let me hold you in my arms.

Maybe there could've been a lifetime for us. Don't you think so? If only I tried. If only you came earlier. If only it was for us. If only.

✎

"You're leaving?" I turn around to face you as I put down my duffel bag, walking towards you with a straight face. "Yes," I answer weakly with a smile on my lips.

Something flickers in your eyes and although it disappeared, it was something I never expected to see in your eyes especially with how everything went wrong for us.

_Regret and longing._

"You're not going to come back, are you?" You ask, voice small against your thin frame and instead of answering, I hug you as tightly as I could. It hurts to not feel your arms around me and I am the only one holding on to what's left for us but I keep on hugging, knowing this would be the last time for you and me. I pull away to turn around and grab my duffel bag. I open the door but before I walk out, I stare at you for a few seconds. It feels too long and I can feel tears threatening to spill.

"In another lifetime, I presume." I answer and I walk out, leaving my heart with you.


End file.
